I can text with my tongue
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize