Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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