Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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