i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize