today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
is it fun? or sober?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
