also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
