her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
