Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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