Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
