Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
