Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
