Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
