New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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