evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Randomize
