living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
