Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
