The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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