If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
