I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
