I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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