Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
even my farts smell like vagina
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize