and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Blood and glitter go together right?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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