There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
