it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
two words: eviction party
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
