you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
