I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
foreskin is a definite game changer
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
