She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
