FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
