God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
