She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
