You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
