Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize