apparently the secret to your success is patron
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
