Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
