Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
