Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
