she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
