69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
my god I love twenty year old dicks
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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