if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
