So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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