Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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