i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Randomize
