I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
