he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
