am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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