I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
