Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
