A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Pants are for mortals
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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