yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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