um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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