At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
