I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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