You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Farmville is her only friend.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
