He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
