Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
