Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just pynch a tree in the face
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Randomize
