I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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