Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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