The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
