I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
