Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
How does one acquire holy water?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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