I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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