living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
