they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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